A dead soul...

Here's the story of a dead soul...


Here I lay, dormant, cold,
Life seems to have gone on hold.
As numbness takes over every sense,
It leaves no place for any pretense.
Darkness, sorrow, hollow space -
They engulf me, give me my solace.
Enter my dark world and you'll see
The emptiness, the silence, the misery.


I look up to the leaden sky,
But I don't weep, I don't cry.
'Coz tears give way to muffled screams,
And I go to bed with shattered dreams.
My sleep is haunted by my own thoughts
Of what I sought and what I've got.
Life itself looms like a nightmare.
It seems I've lost myself somewhere.
And I do not fear this endless night.
What scares me now is sudden daylight.

Years of numbness have killed it all,
And there's nothing more dead than a dead soul.

Being single!!!

Hey folks! All the single and not-so-single ones out there reading this...I am not ashamed to say this out loud, that yes, I AM SINGLE! Simply because I love it.

It is from first-hand experience that I speak on this topic. I know really how much a loving relationship matters in life. Be it your mother, father, sister, boyfriend/girlfriend, best friend or spouse - everybody needs to be loved, cared for and chided, because it makes them feel complete, happy. And once you know what it means to have that love, it becomes an addiction - even a purpose of living for some. A question comes to my mind here - why is today's generation so mad about having relationships early on in life (read: teens, or worse still, even pre-teens nowadays) and not just loving, but experimenting too, until they either land upon the right person or get so pissed off with commitment that they drop the whole idea altogether.

The answer lies in the erratic family structure characteristic of every other household today. Children no longer feel a connect with their parents and elders. Even siblings in many cases (mine included). The generation gap plays a big role here - it makes the kids drift apart from their parents, and thus, when they do not get the love, care and support they would otherwise have received from their family, they turn to their friends and contemporaries (i.e., the opposite sex).

But the thing with these adolescent relationships is that they seldom last. No matter how serious you are, or how good you've been together, it ultimately has to go wrong somewhere, else it isn't an adolescent fling at all! Somewhere down the line, either the parasites called jealousy, possessiveness or distrust start creeping in, or the relationship loses its charm, or in the end people have to give in to family pressure. The result - broken relationships, broken hearts, and worst of all - ghosts of the past. These are the ghosts that haunt your future life - taunts, guilt, regret, pain, tears, bouts of depression - and are bound to accompany a break-up. Trust me, they do not let you live happily!

I might sound like someone who doesn't believe in love. But as a matter of fact, I do. I am a die-hard romantic. But the inspiration to write this blog came to me in a sudden fit of practicality. Seeing a lot of break-ups and patch-ups happening around me all the time, especially in these few recent weeks, has made me somewhat a non-believer. Not that I am against anything of this sort (remember, I am a member of this generation, not the previous one!) It's just that for now, I am happy the way I am. SINGLE

Being single has a lot many advantages over being in a relationship. You are free - to go out with friends anytime (all the time), have a thousand crushes, do crow-watching and bird-watching to your heart's content, talk to n number of guys and gals without being looked upon by an eagle's eye, and to answer proudly, looking your family in the eye, "I am clean." Above all, singleton status gives you great peace of mind. There's no one to care for, no one to think about all the time, no one waiting perpetually for your texts and calls, and no one to hide from your family. I'd call it a win.

There's a spring in your step, a ring to your voice, a confidence in your words and a satisfaction in your life. And I must say, until and unless you have been in and out of a relationship, you won't understand what it is like to be free.

*sigh*

You can take this as MY theory on Being Single.

Until I write again, ADIEU!

*****

P.S. I know some people may beg to differ from the views I've elucidated above. The ones who are in a satisfactory relationship or those who haven't yet been through one may think completely differently. And I totally respect their opinions (as I've also had the same opinions myself at some or the other stage of my life. :P)

What’s it between Afghanistan and I??

Hmmmmm….now that seems to be a quintessentially weird title for a blog post, doesn’t it? But that’s precisely what I’ve been wondering for a long time now….what is it between Afghanistan and I?? What??? I feel like I’m being followed these days. No, not stalked by a person or a gang or anything, but by history - Afghan history. I have it everywhere around me – books, TV, even dreams. And not that anything of much ado is happening right now in that country. Nothing’s there in the news too (oh yes, I’m keeping my promise of reading the newspapers as best as I can :P) There is peace out there in Afghanistan. But alas, not here, in my mind. Okay okay…I guess I sound like I’m on dope :-P But no! It’s true...read on!

Here it goes. A month back or so, I read two books in succession, both of which were authored by Khaled Hosseini. And as anyone even remotely into books might know, Hosseini’s books are set in Afghanistan. Before-, during- and post-war Afghanistan. And they’re really heart-warming tales. But the point is, it was the first time in life that I actually read something about Afghanistan. About the pre-war country, where girls were free to study and play; about how the atrocities of the Taliban pulled the country apart - literally ruined it, especially the women. Then about the era of the mujahedeen i.e. the Afghan resistance. And the sufferings of the Afghan people during this whole period of unrest. Each of the two books brought tears to my eyes, and truly made a profound impact on me.

But now, let me come back to where I started from - yes - the stalking part. So the next book I laid my hands upon was by Paulo Coelho. And again, I expect my readers to know what kind of books he writes. Usually the spiritual type of books or the ones based on the ways of the world. And that’s where the surprise part enters – I read a book about chasing one’s dreams, succeeding in the glamorous world of fashion and cinema but not being able to bear with the pressures and right on the verge of quitting, being saved by an angel, and all that stuff. I guess you get the picture, more or less. But…but…but…donno how, Afghan history squeezed itself into that book too! And it formed an integral part of the plot as well! And that was just the first time.

A few days forth, I watched a James Bond flick on TV. And as usual, I expected it to be all about the larger-than-life gadgets and the so-called babelicious “Bond girls” throughout. But lo and behold! Half the movie was based in Afghanistan, that too the era of the mujahedeen...Batao! And to make matters all the more daunting, I had a dream a few nights later. Call it a dream or a nightmare, but all I remember about it is that it had me as one of the women who were being subjected to monstrous brutality by the Taliban or mujahedeen or whoever, I don’t know and I really don’t care… Now who would have imagined that? Maybe it was because all those coincidences were playing too heavily on my mind…but this time round, it went just too far! :D

And to top it all, just when I was beginning to think I got rid of the phenomenon, it caught me again! At my nani’s place last week, seemingly normal household and social discussions somehow led their way into Afghanistan and its women’s struggle for their rights. That was indeed the last straw.

But well…now I’ve gotten used to it…because I’m convinced now that it isn’t gonna leave me anytime soon. In fact I’m thinking of doing some rigorous research on the subject…thought, now that it’s on my side, why not explore a bit? Weird thought, I know. Please ignore. :D :P

I must admit writing this post really relieved me of this enormous burden that was weighing down on my mind. Now that I’ve penned it down, it has been transferred to the poor readers. Lol

So here I am, signing off with a light heart and a smug grin. Tata!

My tryst with the airport...

I’m leaving on a jet plane

I don’t know when I’ll be back again.

Oh babe, I hate to go.

These very lines by A.J. Frost kept playing in my mind while I was at the Domestic Airport this Thursday. The airport, I must say, is one place in Delhi which I would any day prefer over any of the scores of malls spread in every nook and cranny of the city. Its majesty, its overpowering elegance and its great organization make me marvel all the time. It may not have the same effect on most of the people who fly in and out of the airport every day without even sparing a glance around, but it surely caught my eye and how!


A strange kinda feeling engulfed me the moment I entered the arrival area. Sitting in the waiting lounge, looking at the hordes of people of all states and nationalities, creeds and colors, faiths and beliefs, it was - not humbling, as anybody might have expected me to say – it was rather quite entertaining. The screen in front of me showed the names and timings of all the expected international flights, and the places from where they were arriving – omg, they were a spectrum in themselves! Bahrain, Jeddah, Kabul, Beijing, London, Taipei, Singapore, Addis Ababa – you name a city and there was a flight from there! Then there was this particular flight which caught my attention. Simply because a large – and by that I mean a very large – group of Muslims alighted from it. All but one of them were wearing typical pathani suits. It must’ve been the flight from Kabul, I presume. The one guy I excluded above, was dressed quite modernly, more like a photographer or a trekker, and was strangely enough - given his companions’ hulia - quite handsome..lol.. And thus flights kept coming in, people kept pouring in and out of the arrival area, and there I sat, from 8.20 right until 9.30 am, when finally the one we were waiting for, landed. Our guest was, given the eminent personality that he is, taken straightaway to the reserved VIP lounge. How we got there, employing all sorts of jugaad that we Indians are known worldwide for, is another long story. Anyway, we got there, met the guest and I really felt ecstatic just standing in his vicinity. It was a divine joy. Why? That’s simple - because he is my spiritual guru. :)

But this wasn't the first time I've been at the airport. My tryst with the Airport dates back to many years ago. The first time I was at the Domestic Airport was on my trip to Srinagar. And unfortunately, that was the last time J & K was ever known to be calm and quiet. Since then, it has been ripped and burnt off by all those inhuman terrorist attacks, raids, fights, curfews, in short, lots of violence. I doubt if after us any other tourist would ever have got a calm, peaceful and near-to-God experience on a Kashmir trip like we got. At that time I was around 13-14 years of age. And all I think I noticed about the airport at the time of departure was the fish tank in the lounge area (fish and fish tanks never cease to fascinate me!:-D), and the coffee we had while waiting to board the plane. It was terrible. :-| Well, my next unpleasant encounter with coffee was on the flight to Srinagar the same morning. I was very enthusiastically gorging on my breakfast – spreading butter on the toast with care, slurping up that yummy mango yoghurt and making the coffee while smiling to myself (why, it was my first time aboard a plan, for God’s sake!)– and marveling at the lofty snow-white Himalayas beneath us. And suddenly the plane began to rock, first gently, then violently. No, nothing to worry folks, we weren’t on our way to a crash. Presumably, it was a routine happening in those areas. But the rocking of the plane – it spilled my coffee all over my white top.

My next airport adventure was on the morning we returned from Srinagar. But I’ll save it for another day..hehe. For now, I’m waiting for the renovation of the International Airport to attain completion. After all I’ve been invited on a guided tour of the entire International Airport by a very sweet and chivalrous old Customs officer right there at the airport. Unbelievable? Okay then, does it help if I say that this officer is my uncle? Well I guess it makes no difference whatsoever. Who wouldn’t offer that to a pretty lady anyway?!

Okay folks, I really think it’s time I let you navigate away from this page, that is, if you’ve even bothered to read right until this line. Hearty thanks for that
See you soon! Take care! :)

A tete-e-tete with my confused world...

Hello world!

Here I am again, back with full energy and spirit, to write another entry for my quite-newly-born blog, which has been missing me I’m sure. Now, one would surely ask, what kept me away for so long? Some would reason that I must've been busy, others would say I had lost inspiration. Some would downright declare me as not having what it takes to be a true blogger….bah! But you know what, to be frank, I don't really know what it was. Maybe I got too stuck up with my life, what with all these crappy programming classes, teaching kids, going out with friends, watching loads of movies (nice, I know :D), being advised full bed rest after having sprained my ankle yet again, for the third time, within a span of 2 months...Yeah, I know, sounds ridiculous, but true anyway. So the point remains, I could not write. But today I really feel the need to write...to express.


I was playing back random little snippets of my life in my mind recently, when I got convinced that I've been up to no good in these past few months. I've been cut off from the real world and stuck in my own tiny li'l messed up universe that consists primarily of reading books, texting(I admit I am a textaholic), teaching kids for charity, giving coaching classes, watching movies, sleeping, eating, drinking and merry-making. Yes, that's about it all. How many times, in the past few months, have I not been attacked with an "OMG...don't you read the news???" along with a very genuinely horrified facial expression, to add to the brutality of the attack? Okay, people, I realize I haven't been very up-to-date about the recent developments taking place all over the the world. I admit. And to get back on track and to avoid any further embarrassment at being asked the same question yet again and again, I have finally vowed to myself to read the newspapers every day. And and and...I am keeping my promise as of now (feels nice to mention that here!)

Okay now that's one issue I've taken care of. But what about the other issues that have been nibbling away at my mind and plaguing my thoughts? For instance, these goddamn C Programming classes. I had the language as a subject in my first year at college, and God knows how I managed to scrape through! As soon as holidays began, the nice little studious girl buried somewhere deep inside me surfaced, and decided that it’d be good if I learn the language in these holidays so that I may find my future years as an engineering student easier. So I found myself attending C programming classes for beginners at a premier institute in the city, known for its great faculty and even better placements (I wonder what made them create such imaginary notions about themselves). But howsoever sincerely I might have attended the classes every other day, even with a swollen foot and an injured knee, I really don’t think the efforts did much good to me. Yes, I surely have a better idea of the subject now, but the sky-high claims that the people back at the institute had made at the time of fee payment, of making me an expert programmer, etc etc, have all gone down the drain. So now, here I stand, thinking of getting hold of a good book on the subject and starting off my own studies yet again. Wow, it’s a totally out of this world feeling to realize that I’ve been duped so royally (sarcasm intended)!!

Aahhh…how nice it feels, writing so much after so long. It reminds me of my childhood passion – writing. I used to be an avid storyteller as a toddler - and an unintentionally cute one at that - coming up with all kinds of hilarious stories involving every single animate and inanimate object I could lay my eyes upon. So be it a table lamp, a scooter, a family member or a cartoon, everything and everyone found a place in my stories. As I grew up, this knack for expressing ideas and thoughts got me inclined towards writing. And so, I used to write loads of poems and stories and even create science articles and puzzles. But the passion gradually fizzled out with time, and I really regret not writing any more. Sometimes I lie in bed at night - which is practically the only personal time I get in the whole day - and think. And when I am in my “thoughtful” mode, I come up with some real gems of lines and ideas. But being caught in the throes of sleep, I usually postpone penning them down until the next morning, which as they say, never comes. So, the last issue that I’m gonna address today is the need to reignite my writing habit. I think I need inspiration…lots and lots of it…but maybe I’ve got some of it today. So I guess I’m surely gonna come up with something worthwhile in the time to come.

Here I would like to sign off on a hopeful note. Take care and stay blessed! :)

A new day has come....

"Let the rain come down and wash away my tears
Let it fill my soul and drown my fears
Let it shatter the walls for a new sun
A new day has come...

Where it was dark now there's light
Where there was pain now there's joy
Where there was weakness, I found my strength
All in the eyes of a boy....."

Now now now!! Don't start wondering as to who this boy is, whom I have referred to in these lines, which, again, are not mine..hehehe(there exists no such boy)
I thought what better than Celine Dion's beautiful lines from the song "A new day has come" to start with my blog on an optimistic note.


Okay now that I've made a start, its time for something about me...I am a wandering soul trapped in a mortal body, which in turn is caught in the clutches of an evil monster(read:engineering studies)...lol...although this evil monster has not yet been able to extinguish the fire for a good life in me...(just a random thought-got carried away with the word engineering...please ignore!!)
I have this dual personality thing - dark, mysterious, moody, creative, artistic and complex from inside, and chirpy, happy-go-lucky, cheerful and carefree on the outside....a social butterfly while in company, and a silent,thoughtful person when to myself...that's me!

Then...well I am a complete bookworm if you go by the number and variety of books I've read till date...It won't be way off mark if I say I survive on books! But yes, that brings me to my other mode of survival - feel-good food!! Chocolate goodies, cakes, ice-creams, fudges, and all those stuffs that make your mouth water at the very mention!! Be it a holiday or a weekday, as soon as I feel a little bored or discontented, my heart starts craving for my feel-good factors, ie, food and books! Nowadays, however, the internet, facebook, blogging etc have also made an entry into the list. But first love remains first love! <3 br="br">
Now, I guess I have been blabbering too much...so till the next time i write(which is gonna be very soon, mind you) i sign off with a biiiiiig smile! :)
Happy blogging!